I don’t give because I have much, I give because I know how it feel to have nothing.

HMMMMM, that sounds like a good way to start off this blog, but I’m sure at the end, you will think I’m the most gullible person on the planet.

So a few months have gone by, my friend, oh excuse me, my boyfriend and I have been in constant contact. I’ve said it before and it continues, he is very attentive. We text hours a day.  We share snapchats and much more.  He is so sweet. Our relationship is growing but its not normal.  How can it be? We live 5,189 miles from door step to door step.

Each day we share so much of ourselves to one another.  He gives me so much of what I crave, his kindness, his attentiveness and most of all he makes me feel so special. That is something I’ve never experience.  I, in turn stroke his ego, maintain a steady place for him to express his pain and desires, and I give him a love, a love full of caring, he says, that no one has ever shown him.  We are exactly what the other needs.

The long distant thing doesn’t seem to be an issue.   I don’t put restrictions on his behavior or try to control him. He is free to live his life the way he chooses. I support his choices. He does try to set limits on me. I accept this.  I accept this because I choose to see him as a man.  A man that that is somewhat in control. I respect his wishes and desires.  I like that he wants to take the lead in our relationship, this I have lacked in other relationships and desire it myself. I want him because he wants me.

I’m not sure where it all began, but I know it was much the same the first few months, he  would told me about a situation and after listening I asked him to allow me to help.  It was the least I could do. He never turned down my offer.  At first, it was every couple weeks, not much just a few hundred dollars.

We started to quarrel because when he would go out with friends he would ignore my texts. He tried to justify his behavior with many excuses.  He would say he didn’t look at his phone or speaking the two languages would hurt his head. He would say his phone was dead. Then there was the classic, I got drunk and lost my phone.  I would accept his apology and move on. Remember if he doesn’t want me, I don’t want him. Things would change for awhile.

I had plenty of friends and times that I go out.  He would try to stay up late and text/talk with me, trying to please me. The distraction he provided daily was exactly what I wanted in a relationship at this time.  I was not interested in a home town boy, one to walk around and show off. One that hung out at my house all day and interfered in my life. This is exactly what we both needed.

We both got what we asked for in this. BUT we also planned for future. We dreamed of the day we would be ready to hold hands, kiss each other goodnight and one day marry.  Just not today.

One day I didn’t hear from him for over eight hours.  He texts and said he got a job and would not be allowed to use his phone while on the clock.  Since the time change from his country to US is seven hours this meant I would not hear from him much.  I wanted this, I needed this. He told me he would be depressed not being able to have contact with me throughout the day. I asked him to come here I would take care of him and he won’t have to work.  He suggested if I were to help a little with funds, he wouldn’t have to work but, he wanted to stay in his country for a bit longer.  I complied.

This relationship was fun for me.  It was real but so unbelievable. He really loves me. He is so care-free.  He is my friend, my companion, my love, my want, my desires and in my thoughts endlessly. All I want is for him  to be happy and when he  tells me he wants me I believe that I make him happy, too. He tells me I am his “boo” and his “baby girl” He expresses a deep connection with me. He depends on me to be his rock.  He knows I have his back no matter what.

Another situation….. seems like he is starting to have a lot of situations. He goes on the explain that on his way to the capital to visit the embassy he and his friend stop off to visit some guys about a deal.  These guy took his Macbook and informed him that the ransom is $400 by six tonight.  I suggested we just get another Mac and not give in to the demands made by thugs. He sent a video whining about wanting the  money to retrieve it and some pocket money, too.  This was the first time he came right out and asked for money.

Suddenly the morning conversations were all about do you like me because I give you money and his biggest question is do only like me because you want to have sex with me?   Now I have to tell you, I don’t understand where this is all going. But all the good is still there and now there is an drop of distrust in the air.

“Please send me more money”, was the text I got this morning.  WTF I didn’t understand, yesterday I sent a huge amount where did it all go? and I sent it late in the day.  He proceeded to tell me that because we had a fight while he was out, in the casino, that just gave the money away. WTF! He said since I thought he only talked to me because of money he didn’t want any of it.

I should run away.


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