A little over one month has past by, its been a whirlwind of attention. I like it, so does he. The text messages are still so early in the morning for me. I changed my ringtone to song that he sent. He said it will be “our song”. Now I won’t sleep through his texts.

He’s always wrapped up in his blanket. He always has a huge smile. I love that he is texting me from his bed.  The conversation sometimes last for hours. He tells me all about his night out or his mom. He so exited to tell me about what he plans to do for the day. There is always talk about going to work out. Sometimes its the gym other times it a run.  There was other things, too. Once, he talked about this one old girlfriend and he made it clear he was not interested in having another one anytime soon.  We were still very much living in our past lives, by chatting about old stuff to our new friend. We told each other our secrets, how we feel and what happened in past relationship. It was safe.

I was please with my new friend. After the lost of my BFF this is welcomed.  I was learning to trust little by little.  It was nice having someone ask me everyday, “How are you?” The age difference between us didn’t seem to come up or make a difference or become a concern.

I tried something. I’m not sure why but, I did. I felt like I could tell him anything, and I did. I told him that I thought he was “hot”. I told him that I was having dreams about him. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take this information when I shared it. He was pleased, so much so, that he asked me to tell him about my dream. I informed him that he may not want to hear about it because it sexual.  He assured me he did.

A few weeks went by things continued to progress in the same matter. We talked about so much stuff about what we did or were going to do. We talked about dreams, even the sexual ones, occasionally.  We were learning more and more about each other hopes and goals.

Today something was different. Something gave me reason to be doubtful. Something changed.  Sometimes a decision comes across your lap that changes everything.  I’ve never been one to rush into things without thinking about it.  I haven’t heard much him….

The whole weekend goes by without any word from him. Things went through my mind like, “Is he ok?”, “Is he mad at me, what did I do?”, “Did he find another girl to talk to?” and much more.  I continued to text him, almost to a point of spamming him.  Actually, I thought it was a connection issue.  Since, the beginning of this, he did not have data (service) so sometimes texting was very difficult.

So to reiterate, Two days past, my texts are unanswered. This silence is piercing after the flood of everyday attention.  Where should my mind rest.  As analytical as it is, it cannot find truth in this deadening silence.  The only choice remains…….. absolute chaos.  He text Friday morning and that was it.  Now, It’s Sunday evening, late in the evening for his country.

Out of the blackout comes a sole reply, well not really a reply just a random text because he this first contact, after none, was just basically an hello,  “I’m here”.   My eyes read it; my brain is incapable to wrap around the words.  I sat in lackadaisical state staring at my phone, soon another text, an explanation.  He nonchalantly states he was at his dad’s and needed to think about things.

He began to explain after a quick tongue lashing of a text from me that he was visiting his dad, whom doesn’t have wifi.  In doubt, I proceed to ask if he had not been anywhere all weekend that had service. He continues that the former billet family, or more exact the former billet mom called him Friday and berated him after finding out he was talking to me. The lady whom I have never met or had any contact with had apparently decided to judge me based on God only knows what. He needed time to think….

I am flabbergasted at the accusations of this unknown, clearly jealous lady.  He continued that she told him I was trouble and to stay away from me.  She tells him I am only interested in sex. Then to my surprise he says that his old coach from the past season also called and confirmed such awful accusations.  (These two people are friends) I know neither of these people who, live over five hours away from me in a town I’ve never been to.

This is the first time he shut me out.


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